You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
