well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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