I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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