sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
third nipple confirmed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
