You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
