Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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