My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
