you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
