Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
