I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
