the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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