One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
