I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
