the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sorry about my life...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
