I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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