Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
