Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
