By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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