I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
