She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
