i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
