I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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