Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
