The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
