is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
