you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
