My room smells like vodka and shame
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
