Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
