They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
