Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
