Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
