Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's official drugs can't kill me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
