Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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