Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
