By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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