I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
