Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
