Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
