It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
