Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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