There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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