I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
