she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
