sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
A bitchslap is in order.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
