is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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