saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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