I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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