your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
