It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
