you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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