Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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