I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
